three years ain't a short time

the last time i'm writing in this blog was in 2021

looks like i was still very much in love with this person i called "my boyfriend"

however, things changed. 

and now i get it when people say growing up sucks; its because we have a lot of things to think about.


including the prospect of the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.


--- in 2021, i was 20, i liked a person based on their appearance and behavior.

now that i am 23, i started to think about the financial issues. 

it sucks to think that my boyfriend does not have a job, so he has no income

but his plan is to work after he graduated. 

he will be graduated next year. 


as a woman, i need a man with financial certainty.

i'm not being materialistic, am being realistic.

other than wealth, i love everything about him. literally every single thing.

but sometimes i just couldn't help it.


and last week we celebrated our fifth anniversary and i wrote him a letter.


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I thought tomorrow is going to be just “another random Saturday”. I’ve always been waiting for saturdays, because it’s the only day I don’t need to worry about anything. I can lay in my bed all day, until tomorrow morning. At least that’s how I feel. But nah, tomorrow isn’t just a “random saturday”. At least for us.

Tomorrow is the day that marks five years we’ve been together.

A few days ago, I asked you about how you felt about five years. Was that feels quick? Or as slow as a turtle. You said, sometimes it feels quick and sometimes slow. I couldn’t agree more. Undoubtedly, five years of relationship is no short time. We’ve been through a lot, right? All the changes, the news and events, the trends? Do you remember Giant Supermarket, my favorite place? Well, we were still together when they still operating and we still girlfriend-boyfriend when the supermarket closed and now utilized as Mitra 10.

I’ve always been an enthusiastic person. You know how much I love writing and talking. At least that’s the “Anna” you knew when we first met. However, things changed, the world changed. Yeah, growing up sucks. But look at the bright part, I can still talk to you whenever I want. Even though the “I love you” and “I love you too” seemed different lately, kinda felt empty.

These past couple of months were the months I realize, we were not compatible with each other anymore. But yes, it is really hard to let go. We both have the shared memories of each other. The joy, especially. And the fear of not meeting anyone better in the future (I guess this is my problem only, not yours).

Do you remember the butterflies when we were going to meet each other for sleepovers? Sadly now all I can think about was how to erase those memories in my head. I can’t believe we were once happy and excited doing that. For now, it’s a no for me. I’m not doing such things anymore.

Did you know that I met someone from German a couple weeks ago. And I couldn’t stop thinking about him ever since.

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of course i didn't send it.

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