january 15, around 2 PM

Dear love,

I’ve been thinking about you ever since we sat together on the bus. January 15, 2020. Been thinking about my 5 minutes with you every single day. Every single day until now. 
I never stopped thinking about you ever since that day. About you, your hair, your voice. I kinda regret we didn’t talk too much that day. I was too nervous being that close to you. I know I liked you from the first time I saw you. You are something. But, I never knew that it’s getting this much, and this painful.

I can only see you through your posts. Yeah, I’ve saved all your pictures already. But sadly i have zero chance to know you better. Not even a day passed without being insecure, whether to start a conversation with you, or even just small things such as follow your second accounts, and probably having a little contact with you, even just you seeing my name again. I am nothing to you, obviously. But you are …… everything to me.

Wish I was a boy. I’ll chase you. We’re probably together now. Telling each other how was our day went. And sending each other our pictures, laughing about silly little things. Going on a date……… meeting your parents. AHHHHHHHH. I know. I know I can’t get you. I know I won’t reach you. I’ll just….

Manifesting…… meeting you … in another place and time… and another feeling ………. 

Kinda regret we sat together that day. I probably won’t experience this kind of feeling. This invisible prison inside my head. This unwanted feeling. This insecurity.

Ok, time to hide this feeling again. But still, my heart breaks a little when I hear your name.

I love you so much. It hurts.

 

-          K.