masa SMA

my high school era wasn't reaaalllly exciting and memorable. i didn't enjoy it very much. 

looking back at it now,.. sometimes i ask myself, did i waste the 3 years of my life? should've been registered to another school in another town then. this is not the feeling when you step peak of your youth (17!!!) . i'm insecure. i'm not happy. i have no soulmates that still close to my soul until now. 

i always regret that i spent my youth there. the people there aren't my people. but what can i do then?
gotta live my social life like this? i can't hang out with anyone and experience that 'take me to your best friend's house, go around this roundabout oh yeah' feeling 'till when?? shit.....

is this funny? guess what, a part of my destiny; having no friends during your teenage years, even though you are a funny, and pretty, and smart too?? shit... why is this happen to me???

ever since i realized that fact about me, everything's changed. it really affect the way i see  life, and people's life. i never knew i needed them...

....friends. 

one thing that forever being my anxiety. i guess i'm the only one that feel that way. cause anyone else, they seem alright and happy about their high school era. they have friends, their social media is always exciting, and their friends are there to interact with them. fuck... i don't have that. 
[source: my boyfriend's classmates] [and him too]

fuck..........


may 17/2021

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