a random note i made while i should be doing some beneficial things like cooking or making a business strategy

sometimes i feel like i wanna marry myself,
but i sometimes i also want somebody to always be there for me,
can cope with me,
discuss with me,
make love with me,
without getting bored, it's me again, with me again.
i really want to share my world with that particular person.
i wanna show them.

but, i told myself to not trust people.
trust no one is my life motto.
because people change, people leave.
that's a fact. they do that all the time.

i've seen a lot of stuffs caused by other people.
people are evil.
i don't know, with who will i get along
people always leave me alone.

...

at some points, i am hopeless
i feel like i'm never enough 
'cause i have so many flaws.
but deep down,
nobody's perfect, isn't it?
i am still better
i look like i'm fine outside
nobody knows me well
in my thoughts, i just wanna die
i wanna die.

maybe it's just me being dramatic
of course i am blessed
God, i am sorry i am a dumb bitch
i'm so sinful, i often look at the black dot in a white paper,
i am really not perfectttttttt
will someone accept that...................?

i am so bad at appreciate things
i have so many negative thoughts in my head
what if the people that i love will gone forever,
and leave me all alone
even though no one's alive forever
but at least give me a clue, God :(
don't make it as a 'surprise!! you wanna too?'


i am so useless sometimes i don't use my brain before i make decisions
God i am so sorry that i am a fool
but please God, it's only You that i trust..
please vanish this sadness,
this loneliness
help me find that person...
i don't wanna die alone


--- made by a lonely, but selfish person
actually i'm kinda nice.
in a lovely day but shitty morning 
december 14, 2020 | 09:27

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